The education of a mother

I went to campus today for the first time in 2 weeks. I forgot that classes have now started. I've always loved this time of year. In addition to the obvious reasons (Steeler football, Fall weather, and pumpkin flavored food items), I relish in the excitement and anticipation of "back to school". I remember how eager I was to get back into a "school routine" once I came back to grad school. The first week brings so much zest that the rest of the year severely lacks. You would go to class, get your syllabus, and look forward to (or dread) all of the upcoming assignments. There's something about that first week or so that makes school life so appealing. Even homework is welcomed.

While I was on campus, I couldn't help but to examine all of the fresh faces (and cringe when I realized that some of these students were born in the 90s!). I peeked into a few of my classrooms (as a grad student almost all of your classes are in one of three classrooms). I saw some of my professors teaching classes that I took 5 years ago. I was reflecting on how different things were back then.

5 years ago, I was so driven to make a difference. I started school with great hope of all that I was about to learn and put to use. I thrived on the discipline of deadlines, meetings, and study sessions. I actually looked forward to Saturdays, not because it was a day off, but because it was a day that I could sit back and leisurely do school work at a coffeeshop. Now, I look at myself today and things couldn't be more different. My role as a psychologist has taken a backseat to the things that are important, namely my role as a mother and wife. Everyday, I struggle to motivate myself to move forward on my dissertation because my mind is preoccupied with what I can make the family for dinner or what new books I want to get for Hudson. The work that used to be so invigorating is now a nuisance.

So I looked at all of those first year grad students today and hoped to infuse some of their enthusiam into my hardened, apathetic view of this dissertation and doctorate process. While I used to be motivated by the prestige associated with the three letters P-H-D, I'm now overwhelmed by the importance of three different letters: M-O-M.