Time for an update!

I really should be working on my dissertation right now, but due to a becoming a Mac user and not having my technical adviser (aka Ryan) available, I'm stuck on something right. So I thought I'd take the time to post an update.

Everything is going great! I can NOT believe that Hadley is one month old!! It really makes me so sad. I didn't get this emotional with Hudson as he aged because I always knew that I would some day have another little baby to hold. But now that we have a little boy and a little girl, Hadley could be the last baby of my own that I cradle and comfort. So it breaks my heart to see that her newborn clothing is actually starting to fit and that her preemie clothes are now too small.

Hudson is totally and utterly smitten with Hadley. He hasn't shown any signs of jealousy. He is constantly kissing her, sometimes too much as he routinely wakes her up because he's kissing and hugging her. He always wants to hold her. He pets her and says "soft". When he kisses her, he says "Mmmmm good!". He calls her "Hadley Grace" all of the time which is adorable. He likes to point to certain features on her (like her ears and fingers) and say "teeny". He has been a wonderful big brother.

Hadley is still sleeping her days (and nights!) away. She probably sleeps for 22 hours each day. At night, she has pretty much been sleeping in our bed since the day she came home. The other night we broke new ground and she slept in her cosleeper bassinet from 11p-1a, ate, and then went back to sleep in there until 4a. At 4, I was too tired and just nursed her in bed. During the day, however, she prefers to be held over her swing or bouncer chair. This should make for an interesting task - completing my dissertation with a baby in one arm! Sometimes I can position her in the boppy, all cuddled up, and she'll stay asleep which buys me some time. Otherwise, I can wear her on my chest in the Moby wrap and she's content. See?

In addition to his big brother role, Hudson has lots of other cute things he's doing right now. He's been saying "Waaaas 'at?" (read: What's that?) with the cutest little intonations. He's started to play independently (which has been a life saver). His favorite toys are his trains, puzzles, cars, toolbench, and art easel. He loves the Wiggles and recently revived his interest in Signing Times. His favorite thing to tell you is about everyone that is "gone" (i.e. not home or visiting). Just about every morning he wakes up and says "Grami gone, Pappy gone, Mom Mom gone, Pop Pop gone, Joey gone, Bobby gone, Kevin gone". He literally goes through the entire list. And as soon as Daddy goes to work, he's "gone" too!

As for me, I'm adapting to the new role as a mom of two. Some of the emotions I had before have faded. For example, I was so sad to think about not having individual time with Hudson, but now I see how happy he is with Hadley and don't bat an eye at that. He's also become so attached to Daddy since they have more time together. Hudson hasn't shown interest in nursing (I was afraid he might regress). However, some of the guilt I had before has carried over. I still don't feel as connected with Hadley. I feel like she comes in 2nd alot of times since Hudson might need immediate attention. I don't feel the same anxiety about her every cry as I did with Hudson. I don't have that same heart-wrenching feeling that she needs me all of the time and I would actually be willing to leave her for a little while if I had to (whereas with Hudson, I didn't leave him overnight until he was 22 months old!). Maybe it's just that I have experience now, so I'm not as worried. I don't feel like I engage her as much as I did with Hudson. I was always talking to him, making faces while changing his diaper, etc. With Hadley, I feel like I'm always preoccupied and just happen to have her in my arms. I am constantly thinking that she must sense these things and know how I'm feeling. Then I worry that she'll interpret it as me not loving her as much as her brother. I know that I'm overthinking this, but that's just what I do!

Okay, enough with the sadness! Here are some happy pictures to enjoy :)