My heart is in the work.

Some days, parenting is just hard (okay, most days, parenting is hard).  The majority of the tough days come from a combination of whines, cries, defiance, and fitting everything in during a 24 hour period. But then there are the days like I had a few days ago.  The days when difficulty arises from our anxieties about parenthood, about our choices, our values, and our abilities to pass those on to our children.  I am a firm believer of trusting my gut, while at the same time being an intentional parent and not passive in my decision making. This approach requires a lot of work. I do my fair share of research on a topic, internalize and process what I learned, then make an informed decision based on what the "experts" say (the researchers and authors) and the true experts on our kids (me and Ryan).  I try to determine when there is hype and where there is validity. The perfect example is sleep training.  I've read the books. I've read the research.  I've listened to other's sob and success stories.  In the end, we had to go with our gut and choose what is right for us.

Despite all of my research and thought behind parenting, there's a fine line to walk.  You have to be mindful and not get swept up in things that may seem to matter, but really don't.  Your kid is saying his ABCs at 18m?  Great, but I'm okay if my kid isn't.  Your kid is reading at age 4? That's awesome, but it's not going to make me judge my kid if he/she isn't.  In fact, it seems that "kindergarten is the new first grade"; we are getting so caught up in the race to doing things earlier, faster, and better, that we often aren't thinking about the impacts this has on our children.

Ryan and I discuss our thoughts and goals for raising our children and then base our actions on all of this.  As you can imagine, it's work.  A lot of it.  When approaching all of parenting this way, it's near impossible to fit everything in.  Some things slide.  The other day was just a reminder for me that I was slipping and needed to get my feet back on the ground and get back to work.

I don't think Andrew Carnegie had parenting in mind when he said "my heart is in the work", but there isn't a role that fits that quote better than the work of being a parent.  My heart is in it, fully dedicated and committed.

#parentingishard

Sometimes you just get it right.

Living in a world of excess, I often struggle with how my kids will learn gratitude.  I don't give in to every request, but more often than not, my kids just get things because they can.  Maybe it's the $3 Mario minifigure that Hudson requests when we are at Target, or it's the $10 marker set that I pick up for Hadley just because I know she likes to color.  Not because it's their birthdays or Christmas.  But just because...well...why not?  It's easy to justify by thinking "eh, it's the same price as a cup of Starbucks and it will make them so (temporarily) happy".  I'm trying to be more mindful of this and constantly talking about how much the kids have to be grateful for.  While it's easy to give material examples to satisfy their need for concrete reasoning, I often wonder if I'm cutting them short by not discussing the more abstract "things" to be thankful for.  Either way, I'm trying harder and harder to implement a sense of gratitude.  One way I've been doing this is in their nightly prayers.

We have a routine of saying prayers like this:
"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
That angels watch me through the night
Until I wake in the morning light.
Dear God, Thank you so much for this wonderful day. Today we....  And now we're getting ready to go night night.  We pray for all of our friends and family like Mom Mom and Pop Pop, Grami and Pappy, Uncle Kevin and Colleen, Uncle Bobby and Baby Riley, and Uncle Joey. We pray for Mommy, and Daddy, and Hudson, and Hadley, and Hayes, and Ruby.  We pray for all of our friends and teachers in Baltimore and all of our friends and teachers in New Jersey.  We pray that we have a great night's sleep and a wonderful day tomorrow. Amen."

At the end of the summary of our day, I've been asking the kids what they were thankful for that day.  On the first night, Hadley thinks for a minute and says "You.  I'm thankful for you." (I'm tearing up just typing that).  Then she continues "Actually I'm thankful for our whole family.  Daddy and Hayes and Hudson too".  "Wow", I tell her.  "Hadley, that is a wonderful thing to be thankful for".  Not to be outdone, Hudson hears the praise I'm giving her and says "I have a good one too.  I'm thankful for Old Pap."  My grandfather, "Old Pap", passed away in November.  (Someone please hand my mom a tissue.).

Wow, I thought, wow.  Maybe I'm doing something right.

#gratitudeattitude
#familyiswhatitsallabout

**UPDATE**
So, I started this post a few days ago and didn't get to finish.  Last night, we went through the same routine.  Again, when asked what she was thankful, Hadley pointed to me. "Awww, thanks Had.  I'm thankful for you too".  But then she starting shaking her head.  She does this thing where she doesn't want to talk so instead does a series of grunts and noises to try to make a point.  She grabs my necklace and says "ehhh".  "My necklace?  You're thankful for my necklace?"  "UMM HUH!!" Then my rings she grabs "ehhh".  "And you're thankful for my rings?"  Nodding happily, "UH HUH!!"
Okay so maybe we have to work on the material possession thing.  She did say she was thankful for me before she said she was thankful for diamonds....
#diamondsarepretty
#girlsbestfriend