The last first day

Being a mom of three, the emotions that I had as a new mom dramatically changed as I became a veteran mom, especially when certain milestones came along.  Hudson's first day of school was when he was 3.5 years old. I couldn't bear to think of him in a big, scary school any younger than that.  To be honest, I could barely stand the idea at 3.5.  The anxieties clouded all other thoughts.  "What if he misses me? How will the teachers know what he needs? What if he's scared?" Over time, I was able to calm my worries and see how great the experience was for him.  Maybe that's why when I sent Hadley to school (at 2.5 years old, no less), I didn't even shed a tear.  I was excited for her.  With Hayes starting school this year (also at 2.5 years old), I didn't expect any big emotions for me.  We went to orientation yesterday and I stayed with him in his classroom for an hour.  He played. He explored. He protested when it was time to leave.  We went back today. He ran in, straight for his favorite items that he discussed at bedtime last night.  He was ready for this adventure, as was I.  Today, I stayed with him for 15 minutes then had to leave.  No problem.  I've done this twice before.  This time around I didn't even think once about this moment for days leading up to it.  So you can imagine my surprise when I walked out of the classroom, and like a freight train collision, the emotions slammed right into my heart.  I was crying before I even got to the front door of the school.  What was happening??  Right then, my heart was crying over this last first.  My last baby was going to his first day of school without me.  I was leaving my last baby for the first time.  My last baby, without me. As if potty training and pacifier weaning haven't already told me, that separation symbolized the reality that Hayes is growing up.

#stillmybabyjustnotababy
#nothisdoesnotmeananymorebabies