This post is brought to you by the letter B :)
One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog back up again was because I wanted to write down Hayes' birth story. I like to remember every minor detail and had high hopes for recording them all here. Then life happened. I had a newborn. And two toddlers. And was moving. The urgency to document the details got lost in the shuffle as did many of the details of that day. But here we are, one year later, and damn it, I will write this birth story!!!
The story actually starts on Sunday, November 4th. Ryan's mom, Jan, was staying with us in Baltimore because Hurricane Sandy left her house without power and water. She came down for heat, a shower, and a visit. We spent the day in the house, watching football. The Steelers were playing (they beat the Giants), but I was distracted. I was in serious nesting mode: all day was spent cleaning, washing laundry, baking, and cooking. Jan even made a comment that I should really take a break as I was on my (swollen) feet all day.
During this time, Ryan was traveling to NYC on the train multiple times each week. He would leave at 6a and get home that evening at 8p. That evening I asked when he thought he would stop traveling as my due date of November 15th was approaching. He told me that he would stay in Baltimore starting on November 12th.
The next morning, Monday November 5th, Ryan did his usual 4:45a wake up to get to the 6:12a train. I stayed in bed until it was time for me to get up for work which was just before 7am. I walked into the bathroom and happened to take my cell phone with me so I could check the weather for the day. As I was walking, I just felt a bit crampy and nauseous. I sat to go to the bathroom and and noticed that I had passed something (presumably the mucous plus). At 6:54a, I texted Ryan that I thought he should head back to Baltimore.
I walked into Hudson's room where Jan was still sleeping. I nudged her awake and said that I needed to go to the hospital. At this point, I started to experience what I assumed were contractions (with Hudson and Hadley, I was induced so I only knew what pitocin contractions felt like). I remember sitting on the stairs to our rooftop deck, in tons of pain. Ryan's mom got me some orange juice. I couldn't tell if I was going to throw up or pass out. We began to call around the neighborhood to see who could watch Hudson and Hadley until our nanny arrived at 8a. We finally got a hold of my dear friend, Jen. She said that her or her husband would be right over. I was somewhat hoping for her husband since he is a doctor and I wasn't sure I was going to make it.
Once Jen arrives and takes over, we get into my car. I know that I need to call my mom ASAP and tell her what's happening. She was in Pittsburgh and wouldn't get to Baltimore for the birth, but I had to keep her posted on the details. As we were driving, I would get a contraction and have to put the phone down while I clutched the door handle with white knuckles. This was all a bit much for Jan, who was trying to figure out if she should ask for a police escort as we passed the police station. The red lights in downtown Baltimore were not on our side that morning as it seemed like we stopped at each one.
We arrive at the hospital at 8am. A police officer/guard/someone in uniform at the emergency entrance got me a wheel chair and pushed me in as Jan went to park the car. It was a bit lonely to have to enter the hospital by myself, but the pain quickly made me forget any of that.
I was taken right into a triage room. They did an exam and confirmed that I was indeed in labor (no kidding Sherlock). I have no idea how far along I was because I couldn't hear anything over my moans. Jan had parked and was with me now. She said that Ryan was on his way.
I was taken into a delivery room. Jan was there. I was really moaning now. Just like the pregnant ladies in the movies. I was lying on my right side, clutching onto the bedrail so tightly. The nurse I had was not overly friendly and didn't seem too concerned about my state. They called the anesthesiologist
in to start the epidural. I have no idea who was in my room. I didn't care who heard me scream. Ryan arrived at 8:45a, but I didn't see him as I couldn't even open my eyes. Him and his mom were rushed out as they were about to begin the epidural. They told me that they needed me to sit still and I couldn't promise that given the pain of the contractions. This part is a bit blurry to me now, but I think that my blood pressure dropped or something happened that they couldn't do the epidural and were going to come back in a few minutes. As they left, I was yelling that I needed to start pushing (it's true - you get an intense urge to just push). I was still on my right side, paralyzed with pain. The unfriendly nurse told me that I needed to open my legs if I was going to push but I told her that I couldn't and just hoped she lift my left leg for me. They wanted me to roll to my back, but I couldn't. I continued to scream. A doctor was pulled in. I can't remember the details, but I don't think he was an OB. I think he was an intern, or ER doc, or something. But he was there at the time when a baby was coming and a doctor was needed! Some yelled "Go get her family!". Ryan and Jan walked in just as Hayes was coming out. I think I pushed twice and ta-da! It was 9:02am.
In the chaos of the delivery, no one yelled out what I had. A few seconds later, Ryan told me we had a boy.
Hayes (at the time "Baby Prichard") was perfect. Ryan and I bonded with him right away. After an hour or so, Ryan and Jan went to get me some things at home, lunch, and birthday gifts for Hayes. I was left alone with Hayes in our recovery room. I vividly remember staring at him and thinking, "wow, you were just inside me. You are the one who I have felt for months". That feeling after delivery is just surreal. Hayes and I just sat there, for hours. No TV. No visitors. Just the two of us.
Ryan and his mom returned with food, Starbucks, clean clothes, and gifts. Jan stayed with us for a few hours, but had to go home to spend the night with Hudson and Hadley after our nanny left at 5p. Ryan and I spent the night watching MNF, election coverage (the presidential election was the next day), and trying to come up with a name. Naming a child has to be one of life's most stressful decisions. It's a lifelong decision for another person - talk about weight on your shoulders! Ryan did what he does best: busted out dry erase markers and starting diagraming first and middle names on the dry erase board in my room. Finally, by the next morning, Hayes Miller Prichard had his name.
Thinking back to that day makes it feel as if it were a lifetime ago. And in some ways it was. We were living in Baltimore. We only had two children at home. It was a different life from the one we're currently living.
First birthdays are always bittersweet. It feels as though it's the first point when you truly say good bye to having a baby. Teeth start to pop through. Wobbly standing gives way to wobbly walking. It's possible to stop breastfeeding as we have reached our goal. All signs of growing up. And there are days when I want nothing more for him to grow up. Days when I wish he could entertain himself long enough for me to cook dinner. Days when I wish he would walk because he's too heavy to carry. Days when I wish he would just use the potty because I can't change one.more.diaper. And then you think of the loss of your baby. The one who needs you for food. The one who used to fit into those itty bitty sleepers. The one who cries when you walk away. The one who can be calmed instantly by the warmth of your skin and the sound of your heart.
This first birthday is especially bittersweet for me as it's most likely my last. It is marking not only the loss of "babyhood" for Hayes, but for me as a mother. Reflecting back is leaving me with a mix of emotions. It's hard to put into words or how to even wrap my head around it. From the surprise of my pregnancy (and all of the emotions surrounding that), through Hayes' arrival, to the life changes that came with moving and staying home, I'm sitting here in a cloud of happiness, sadness, pride, and amazement. I never saw my life taking all of these turns, but it seems that my road to happiness is a winding one.
Happy birthday Hayeser Laser.
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